How to Have Stress Free Money Conversations with Family

Sarah Brumley

Sarah Brumley

Whether it’s your extended family, close friends, or anyone else you call family, talking about money and holiday plans can sometimes feel like navigating a minefield. With the holidays just around the corner, this is the perfect time to embrace stress-free money conversations and iron out those expectations.

Today I’m sharing some practical tips to help you approach these conversations with ease—no confrontation or awkwardness necessary! So, if you’re ready to take the tension out of the season and make the most of your family time, this one’s for you. Let’s get started.

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How to Have Stress-Free Money Conversations with Extended Family

Well hey there and welcome to another episode of the Financial Fix Up Podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Brumley, and today we’re diving into having financial conversations with family, whether that’s your immediate family or extended family or it could even be friends that you call family. And while these conversations may be necessary all year round, I think it’s especially important around the holidays when expectations around gifting, gatherings, and even travel come up.

So, today I want to give you a few tips for having those types of conversations in a non-confrontational and stress-free way so that you can truly enjoy the holiday season without worrying that you’re going to disappoint someone in the process.

Do trust me, though. It’s hard to make everyone happy, so you may just disappoint someone. The key is making sure that you do your best to prevent that ahead of time, and that’s where this type of conversation comes in. Because communication about expectations can make all of the difference. Okay?

Step #1: Set Up a Meeting

So, step one in this process is to set up a meeting or conversation time with your family. This is a conversation that happens AHEAD of the holiday, okay – you aren’t waiting until the day or week of – that only creates additional stress. Instead, pick a time and date that works for everyone and either get together at a neutral location or jump on a FaceTime call or something along those lines.

My family prefers the FaceTime option because we all live quite a distance from one another and have kids and schedules to maintain, so it’s easy to jump on a call and deal with the background noise while we talk. Of course, it needs to work for you and your family members, so choose an option that works best for everyone involved.

Before the meeting happens, I recommend setting some clear intentions like agreeing on gift budgets or dividing hosting responsibilities or whatever might apply to your situation. That allows each person to come with some idea of what they might contribute or the expectations they have for the holidays or gatherings to come.

Step #2: Be Honest

The second step in this process is to be honest. And that starts – before the meeting – by being honest with yourself. And I talk about this a lot, but you cannot have a conversation with someone else if you don’t truly know where you stand financially, what your goals are, and what your expectations are for the season ahead. So make sure you get that holiday budget in place, that you know where you stand financially, and that you know what you’re capable of offering before you start the conversation.

And if you haven’t had a chance to put your holiday budget into place just yet – you won’t want to wait much longer. You can grab my Holiday Budget Worksheet for FREE by heading to lemonblessings.com/holiday or by following the link in the show notes.

Once you’ve been honest with yourself, though, it’s time to show up for the meeting and be honest with your family. And trust me, talking about a tight budget isn’t always easy, and sometimes it feels awkward to admit that you’d rather not rely on credit cards for gifts. But if you bring it up in a friendly, open way and share a few alternative ideas, there’s a good chance others will understand and be willing to work together to make things easier for everyone.

I LOVE the quote from Mr. Rogers, “Honesty is often very hard. The truth is often painful. But the freedom it can bring is worth the trying.” So knowing that, choose honesty and freedom this season, my friend.

Step #3: Ask Questions and Offer Alternatives

The third step in this process is to ask questions and offer alternatives. The key here is having an open conversation about everyone’s hopes and limits so that you can create a season that feels meaningful to everyone. So, knowing that, I want to offer you some questions you can use to create a friendly and respectful conversation. Just kinda opening the door for everybody’s thoughts to come out.

  • Gift Giving: What are everyone’s thoughts on gift-giving this year? Would anyone be interested in setting a budget or doing a white elephant gift exchange instead?
  • Gift Limits: How do we feel about setting limits on gifts, such as focusing on just the kids, doing one gift per person, or exchanging names?
  • Experiences vs. Gifts: Would anyone be interested in shifting from material gifts to shared experiences, like a family outing or activity together?
  • Family Dinners: Are there any specific dishes or traditions that we should definitely include in our holiday meal? Any that we could leave behind?
  • Hosting Responsibilities: Who feels comfortable hosting this year? Are there ways we could share the responsibilities or rotate each year?
  • Food Contributions: Would it work to have each family member contribute a dish, dessert or other items for our meals together?
  • Travel Expectations: What are everyone’s thoughts on traveling this year? Are there any budget or schedule concerns we should consider?
  • New Traditions: Are there any new traditions anyone would like to start, especially ones that are less focused on spending and more on time together?

Now, of course, these questions are just a starting point. If there are other items or expectations that need to be addressed, it might be helpful to come up with some non-confrontational questions or alternatives to address those. And I do want to mention that if you are looking for additional money-saving alternatives, I will link to a couple of episodes in the show notes in which I discussed a bunch of different options.

Engage a Stress-Free Money Conversations

So, there you have it, my mini-guide to helping you facilitate a stress-free money conversation with your family. I do want to just remind you that the key here is to have an open, respectful conversation. Keep in mind that it’s okay for everyone to have different comfort levels – whether that’s financially, physically, or otherwise – and compromise might be necessary to keep everyone comfortable. If tensions get high (and they sometimes will) it’s also okay to take step back, ask for each person to give it some consideration, and come back to the conversation and a later time.

And, like I said before, if you haven’t had a chance to get your holiday budget up and going, make sure to grab your FREE copy of the Holiday Budget Worksheet by going to lemonblessings.com/holiday.

Whatever you decide, just know that I’m cheering you on! You’ve got this! Have an amazing day and I’ll chat with you again next time!

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