Money disagreements can be a huge source of angst for couples. A 2018 study by Ramsey Solutions noted that “money fights are the second leading cause of divorce, behind infidelity.” I don’t know about you, but Justin and I realized early on that if we were going to keep a budget and do so without ruining our relationship, we needed a solution for our marriage spending disagreements. And separate spending accounts provided just that.
Eliminating Marriage Spending Disagreements
It didn’t take me long after the wedding to realize that Justin and I are on two different wavelengths when it comes to our spending habits. He’s a big spender when it comes to expensive physical items like board games and 3D printing gear. I tend to spend money on things like spa days, lunches out with friends, and expensive exfoliating lotions.
So, it shouldn’t have been a surprise that we disagreed when it came to how much money we were spending each month.
We started by putting our budget together and determined that we each needed an “allowance” every month. So, we did just that. And while that helped, it wasn’t a complete solution and we ran into several issues:
- We didn’t want to solely use cash. Allowances work, but when you are tracking them as part of a bigger budget, all of those little “spending amounts” from debit card use can create frustration.
- There was no great way to save our spending money for bigger purchases as the budget reset each month.
- It was a nightmare when we wanted to “surprise” the other one with a bouquet or a gift card to the game shop as we could both see everything that happened in our expense account.
So, we needed a better solution.
The Solution: Separate Spending Accounts
The solution came in the form of separate spending accounts – one for each of us. While the accounts are still tied to our “expense” account, these accounts allow us to track our own spending money and use it the way we feel necessary.
Now, before you say that “this wouldn’t work for me”, take a moment to consider the process we used to effectively create these accounts, because honestly, we couldn’t live without them now.
How To Use Separate Spending Accounts
Of course, just opening two separate checking accounts didn’t do the trick. We had to put some guidelines in place for them to be effective. We used the following process.
Step 1: Set Up Two Separate Accounts
It’s incredibly easy to open a separate checking account. In our case, we wanted them to be tied to our regular account so that we could make easy transfers. Because all of our finances are combined, we did the same thing with our spending accounts, putting both of our names on each account just in case there was an issue that required easy access from the other party.
Step 2: Determine Spending Money Amounts
Once you have the spending accounts set up, you need to take a careful look at your existing budget and determine how much money you will transfer to each of the accounts every month. In our case, we receive our paycheck once per month, which means it’s easy to simply transfer the allocated amount on the first of the month.
When we first started this process, we had already been working with an “allowance” so we went with that number. As our income has grown and our expenses have changed or been eliminated, the amount has changed along with it.
Note: Whatever you choose, make sure it fits comfortably within your budget, or you’ll end up having to transfer money back to your main account to cover the essentials. That won’t make anyone happy.
Step 3: Expense Guidelines
In combination with Step 2, you must determine which expenses your spending accounts will be responsible for. In our case, we use our spending accounts for all of our personal needs, including:
- Fun spending items (board games, etc.)
- Eating out
- Self-care (including haircuts, etc.)
- Clothing
We don’t include food, as it relates to our family meals or basic things such as shampoo, soap, razors, etc. unless those things are considered an over-and-beyond purchase – like I want an expensive shampoo or something.
Want more information about how we categorize our monthly expenses? Check out this blog post HERE.
Step 4: Consider “Bonus Money”
While bonus money can be the death of a budget, it’s important to agree with how it will be used, especially if you plan to have it account for separate spending. In our case, each instance of “bonus money” is dealt with differently.
Sometimes, the money is split 50/50 and goes into our respective accounts. Other times, it’s very clear that one or the other one of us needs a boost to help with clothing replacement or something else. In that case, we make the call as we see necessary.
Having a basic plan in place ahead of time can help with expectations and keep those frustrating arguments at bay.
Step 5: Leave Judgement Behind
Quite honestly, I never look at Justin’s spending account. Why? Because the money is his to use how he pleases. Just like he doesn’t look at mine.
By keeping that separation, we don’t judge what the other one spends their money on. Sure, I might not understand the need to have every single board game in the universe, even if we don’t play them very often, but I know that he also doesn’t understand my need to go to the nail salon each month.
And that’s okay because those things are what bring us joy.
Leave Marital Spending Disagreements Behind
Knowing that marriages are ending all of the time due to financial disagreements, there’s absolutely no reason not to embrace a new method of money management. If you and your spouse are struggling to navigate spending, I highly recommend separate spending accounts.
If nothing else, give them a trial period to see if they don’t just solve the majority of your financial disagreements. And – let us know how it goes!
